My Hope

Y'all, I am on vacation this week, so the post is gonna be a little short. Let it bless you. 

Sometimes, I keep things inside for so long, it all just builds until I get emotional and finally have to let it out. I took a nice long walk with Jesus last week so I could tell Him everything. I did not realize how much I missed doing that with Him; how much I needed to.

The past four months have been full of adventure, excitement, difficulty, confusion, heartache, and a variety of complex emotions. You seriously have no idea. The wonderful thing about it is, all of it has brought me closer to the Lord; and because of that, I would not trade one moment. 

Our conversation that day was mostly one-sided as I poured everything out, trying to put all the pieces together and make my sentences coherent. He understood. I told Him of my struggle with keeping my thoughts where they should be and holding back my wild imagination. He listened as I described my feelings and...my concern. For four, long months, I have hoped for something without reason. My heart has yearned for it. All this time, I have tried to focus every bit of my nervous energy on pursuing a closer relationship with my Lord- and it has worked. I long to know His will and I recognize that the only way I can discern it is to immerse myself in His Word and walk with Him. But there was something bothering me...

"Lord, what if the things I am hoping for never come to pass? What if I am hanging on to something and it's all wrong? I just don't want to place my hope in something that isn't going to happen."

And then my heart heard it. Words that sang in the deepest part of my being. He was there. After all my speaking was done, He simply said, "Hope in Me."

Women and Careers

Sunday night, some of my mom's family came to our concert and we had the pleasure of eating dinner with them afterwards. These are like those relatives that you hardly ever see and your parents have to explain how you are related to them because after half a dozen years, you've forgotten. Hopefully, I will be able to recognize Uncle Mike next time instead of walking right past him like he's just another one of those strange old men. In my defense, he did look kinda creepy.

At some point, Mom told me a little about Aunt Susan and her job. I didn't even know I had more than one Aunt Susan, but, hey, that makes it easier for me. If I can't remember an aunt, there's a good chance that if I call her Susan, I'll have it right. Anyway. Getting back on track... 

I have never liked the idea of a man and a woman with their own separate jobs, coming together in a marriage, continuing their careers, having one or two kids, and then sending those children off to school and daycare to have someone else care for and teach them. This is the "American dream". And it is wrong. I am not aiming to offend anyone by that, but if it did offend you, perhaps you need to look into the Bible and understand why this lifestyle is wrong. God, from the very beginning, intended for the man to work and be the provider for the family and head of the home. He created the woman to be a help meet for the man and a mother to their children.

The question I get most these days is, "Where are you going to college?" I hate that. For one thing, it assumes that I have to go to college. Why? So I can get a career and prove that women can do anything men can do? What happened to women being women? So the answer to the question is, "No". And this is what I get. "So what are you doing?" Excuse me? Do you have any idea how much work goes into preparing for marriage and motherhood? I guarantee you what I am doing is far more important and God-honoring than what most of the women in our culture are doing.

Before you get the wrong impression here, I am not saying that any woman who has a job is sinning. Sometimes, it is necessary for a woman to work. Sometimes, bad things happen and her family needs the extra income. And, sometimes, she has a love for something and can do it without neglecting her family. I actually used to entertain the idea of being a sign language interpreter at a hospital. I thought this would be a great thing to do in that tiny window between the wedding and the first child. The only reason I am not pursuing this is God has not opened those doors and led me that direction.

Back to Aunt Susan. Aunt Susan has a job as a teacher. This is something that she loves to do and that is perfectly alright. But Aunt Susan is also a mother and as long as she had small children in her home, she was right there with them. Her family is important to her and she made sure she was there to bring her children up properly and teach them to love the Lord. Now, her children are grown and most of them are married. Now, she has her job. She did things right.

Is it wrong for a woman to work outside of the home? Absolutely not. But if her job gets in the way of her primary purpose, she needs to do an about-face. Her husband and children should always be her priority- no exceptions. It is wrong for her to allow anything to take precedence over her family.

So, what are your priorities?

The Wardrobe

There are few things that anger me more than seeing girls wearing skimpy clothes around my brothers. I have good brothers. They try to look the opposite direction and avoid staring at all that skin on display, but that does not mean they are never tempted to. While I have not seen them give into the temptation, I know there are guys out there with weaker minds. Guys who do not take the same stand that my brothers do. On the other hand, I know there are many guys who truly desire to keep their minds pure. Joshua said something yesterday that I think we should all pay attention to.

"When a girl wears a bikini, I look at her for only about half a second. If she doesn't care about her body any more than that, she isn't worth my time."  

A girl who goes around wearing next to nothing needs to see herself as a person who has great worth. Worth that is not determined by how beautiful her body is, but by how God sees her. Listen up ladies, guys will notice you when you are showing off your body, but they will not respect you. The woman who clothes herself with purity will be admired. 

Many of you know that I have chosen to wear skirts and dress modestly. This is not just me honoring the standards of my parents; it is a decision I have made for myself. Not to say that a woman cannot be modest if she does not wear a skirt, I am simply uncomfortable with outlining parts of my body I mean for only my future husband to see. Also, wearing skirts and dresses highlights my femininity and encourages men to treat me as men should. And besides all that, they are really fun and attractive and come in a thousand different styles. (Yes, I am trying to sell you on this.)

Now, I am not saying that everybody needs to be like me. What I am saying is that we all just need to think. Why do we wear the things that we do? If it is to call attention to our bodies, then we need to clean out our wardrobes. If your outfit is distracting to guys, it would be wise to get rid of it; for you are pulling their minds to places they should not go, you are causing them to stumble, and you are not honoring Christ. That's what this is really about. Is Christ being glorified by the the things you wear? 

Think about that this week.

The Journey

The beginning of a new year always has a distinct feel to it. There is renewed energy and a determination to tackle that long list of resolutions. A burst of excitement because the new arouses a sense of wonder in us. But along with all of these things, there is a journey of the mind that takes us back over the previous twelve months of our lives to reflect on and contemplate each memory. I believe it is very important to take that journey.

Reading back over my journal last month, I was shocked to see how far the Lord has brought me. Sometimes, I get so caught up in day to day life and planning my future, my past is forgotten. It was so strange to look back and realize that I am not the same person I was a year ago. So drastic is the change, I hardly recognized my past self. I must say though, I like who I am so much better than who I was. Because the person I am now is more like Jesus.

I am so thankful for the work He has done in me. I live in freedom today because of His constant, unfaltering love. Freedom from depression. Freedom from my selfishness. Freedom to live with joy. I no longer think of myself as unwanted garbage, unworthy of anyone's love or attention. Jesus taught me that I am worthy because He made me worthy through His sacrifice. It took me twelve years to grasp that, but now I finally understand what grace did for me.

I feel as though life has just begun. Knowing who I am in Christ has opened up a whole new world to me. And so I begin 2014 with much excitement and a passionate desire to follow Jesus as I never have before. No fear. No hesitation. No reserve. I only want God to use me. Seeing what He has done in my past has given me hope for my future. My future with Him.