Choices

I have been getting some complaints because I did not post last week. My apologies. You see, last Tuesday, I was taking care of my nephews. Definitely my best excuse so far! Never fear, I shall now return to my "normal" schedule. Thank you for listening.

As singles, we tend to live a little selfishly. Even being the oldest sibling at home and caring for the little ones every day, the choices I make are still selfish ones. The way we use our free time, the way we spend our money, and the way we treat our bodies are all decisions that, for the most part, affect only us.

While money spending is not a problem for me, I do have selfish tendencies in other areas. I watch a lot of movies and spend an exorbitant amount of time exploring Pinterest. I also eat more cookies than are necessary (yes, cookies are necessary) and put too much butter on everything. I have my own agenda and often choose to do things my way without paying any attention to anyone else. I am a single woman and, although I still live under my father's roof where I am supposed to be, I tend to live a little independently. But I have heard for many years and have observed for myself that when independent single people enter marriage, life becomes about somebody other than themselves. Suddenly, every decision made has an effect on their spouses and children. And they live differently.

God has taught me much over the past two months, primarily on the subject of preparing for marriage. There have been some interesting lessons and one in particular I would like to share here. I propose to you the idea that the choices we make as singles already affect our future spouses and children. This concept has changed my life.  Here's how...

1) The way I use my free time.
There is nothing wrong with the things I used to do in my free time. I actually still do those things on occasion. But I realize that this time can be better spent and so I now use it to study and learn things that will benefit my future family. For example, I am currently studying herbal remedies so I will be properly equipped to care for the health of my family. I aim to be familiar with a wide variety of subjects so as to be able to teach my children well. There is so much information available to me and I feel it would be unwise to ignore it all. Knowledge is such a wonderful thing and my free time can be spent pursuing it with the intent of being useful to my family.

2) The way I spend my money.
 I have already said that this area is not a problem for me. I rarely buy anything for myself and when I do, I make sure I am getting the best deal possible. The only reason I go shopping at all is to be with friends and I hate making any shopping expedition by myself. But I think it would be a good practice to learn how to make money go further when buying groceries for a family. My mother has taught me a lot about this and I think I do a pretty good job of it, but there is always room for improvement.

3) The way I treat my body.
This area is the one that has changed me the most. A few years ago, I was very sick and unable to be active at all. Ever since then, I have not been in very good shape, physically. Sometimes, I would make an effort to exercise regularly, but it never became a habit (it really is a difficult thing to accomplish when you live on a bus). And as far as eating habits go, I pretty much just eat what I want. My parents raised a bunch of healthy eaters and we all love our veggies, but my problem is an insatiable sweet tooth. I recently came face to face with the fact that these kinds of choices could hurt my future children. My body is where they will spend the first months of their lives and I am now determined to create a safe and healthy environment for them. And not only that, but as a mommy I need to be in better shape to carry those kiddos around everywhere (I learned this while caring for my nephews last week). I find it is much easier to get out and exercise and even to say no to the extra cookies when I think of my future babies.

So...what new decisions can you make to prepare for your future family?

A Memorable Experience

Y'all, I got nothin' this week. Blame it on a busy weekend, but I have nothing profound or deeply spiritual for you today. After a little consideration, I have decided to tell you a story. A true story. This really actually for real happened to me...

My family and I went on a missions trip to Jamaica about two years ago with Price Harris Ministries. Our first evening there, the team gathered together and, after briefing us, our leader told us to pray that God would give each of us a memorable experience. Something we could tell others about for the rest of our lives. So I prayed and the very next day, God gave me that memorable experience.

It was a gorgeous sunny day and we went out on the streets of the city to tell people about Jesus. My family sang for a while to draw a crowd and then one of the preachers got up to speak. When he was finished, everyone split up to pass out tracts and talk to people one on one. I walked across the street with some of the ladies from our team and then it happened. All of the ladies were off talking to different people and a police officer approached me. 

"Is everything okay over here?" he asked.

I was all by myself and had no clue what this was about or if we were in trouble or something. So I simply said, "Yes, everything is fine."

"Where are you from?"

"We are from the United States," I answered.

His next question was wholly unexpected. "Are you single or married?"

I was startled and wondered why he would ask such a question. I figured I should probably just tell the truth so I said, "Single".

He didn't stop there. "How old are you?"

Oh, boy. This was starting to get awkward. "I am eighteen," I told him.

"That is legal age to be married."

"WHAT?!"

"Eighteen. Eighteen is legal age to be married." 

"Uh...o-kay." It was really hard to tell what he was thinking behind his sunglasses, but I wasn't liking where this conversation was headed.

"So...do you want to get married?"

Seriously? I laughed, nervously. "Yes. One day I would like to get married." 

"You want to marry me?" He was grinning now.

I laughed maybe a little too much at that. "No!" I told him.

"Why? Because I am black?"

Oh, great. Now he thinks I'm racist. I gave the best answer I could. "No...I just don't know you."

He leaned forward and lowered his voice, "Do you want to get to know me?"

Okay, time to change subject! I avoided the question altogether and asked instead, "Do you know Jesus?" 

I invited him to come to our concert and then took my leave. Before I turned to go, he touched my arm and said, "I like you." 

That, my friends, is the story of my first marriage proposal. Needless to say, I am still single. Next time I pray for a memorable experience, I may need to be a little more specific! 

I learned two things through this. First, never go anywhere without a man that you trust (like Daddy). Second, it's okay to say no. If he ain't the one, don't lead him on. Don't feel sorry for him and worry about hurting his feelings. Just say no and continue to guard your heart and keep it for one man. The man who will treasure it forever. 

One day, another man will propose to me and God will say, "This is the one I created you for." I will say "yes" for all the right reasons and then together we will share a lifetime of memorable experiences. 

And so with that in mind, I pray each of you will have a memorable experience as well.

Lessons Learned

Yes, I am perfectly aware that I skipped last week. If you will recall, I said I would "make a valiant attempt" to post every Tuesday. And I did make one such attempt last week. I failed. Thank you for listening.

For the past month, I have been very earnestly and diliberately preparing for marriage. Ever since I was thirteen years old, I have known that my single years were to be used for this preparation, but never have I been so diligent about it as I am now. A few weeks ago, I felt this sense of urgency to ready myself and become better equipped for the man to whom God will give me. I am now walking a path that tests my faith daily. Difficulties arise without warning, fear tries to grab me, doubt wants to get in, and temptation lies in wait around every bend, yet my trust in Jesus has not wavered. He has been doing many wonderful things in my life as a result and I can honestly say this is the greatest experience I have ever had.

So precious to me is my relationship with my Lord! It is truly sweeter than it has ever been before. He has been changing me and conforming me to his own image, He has answered my prayers, He has listened to me and comforted me, He has taught me His ways. He has done all of this and He continues to do these things. I see His hand on my life every day. Every moment. He has given me joy, humility, discernment, and a greater hunger for His Word. I love what He is teaching me and would like to share some of those things with all of you. 

I have learned to be thankful for my mother. I know that sounds silly, but moms are so underrated. How often have you taken yours for granted? God has helped me to realize just how important my relationship with my mom is and He has taught me to appreciate her. Honestly, I have no clue how I could have gotten through some of the hardships of the past weeks without her guidance and encouragement. My gratitude for the parents God gave me cannot possibly be expressed by mere words. I know my weaknesses. I know what kind of life I would be living without my godly upbringing. I could have been born to anyone, but of all the couples in the world, the Lord chose to give me to Todd and Michelle Allen. Wow. 

I have also learned to pray. Really pray. Here's another excerpt from my journal...

"I want to be a prayer warrior. There are battles to be fought and I want to fight them. I see needs every day. Countless people who need healing, encouragement, comfort, strength, hope, courage, mercy, salvation. Why am I not speaking to my Father daily on their behalf? I have never been very faithful in praying for people. Or praying at all. This is unacceptable. I wonder how many blessings I have missed by neglecting to pray. How many blessings have others missed?"

Think about that last question for a minute before you continue reading.

The final lesson I want to share with you is this: I have learned to wait. Waiting is probably the most difficult thing God asks us to do. It is so easy to get frustrated and try to write my story myself. But I know I can trust Him. I know that at the right time, at the right place, and in the right way, God will bring me to the right man. When I focus on serving the Lord with my whole heart, He becomes my love and it is so much easier to wait when I am holding His hand. He has this. I trust Him.

I hope these things have encouraged you today. My prayer is that God will use my life to bring Him honor and to be a blessing to others. He has great things in store for you, you know. A close walk with Him is the most important thing you can develop before marriage. Spend some time with Him and allow Him to teach you. Put all of your plans and goals off to the side for a little while and just sit in His presence. Learn to be thankful for His gifts. Learn to pray for His people. Learn to wait for His timing. If you seek Him with your whole heart, He will reveal Himself to you.

I know He will.

The Heart of a Servant

This week, I would like to tell you about an amazing young lady I am honored to know. She is sixteen years old, but she has the wisdom and maturity of one twice her age. She is elegant, graceful, and feminine in the way she acts, speaks, and dresses. Nothing says "lady" like her deportment does. She has a wonderful personality uninhibited by the opinions of others because what people think makes no difference to her. She is also a blonde through and through, which makes her a wonderful target for teasing and laughing at...I mean, with. She is beautiful, talented, a great student, a wonderful companion, and she loves life.

There are so many good things I can say about this girl, but the quality she possesses that inspires me the most is her servant's heart. When there is work to be done, she is the first to volunteer and the last to complain. She is constantly looking for ways to help and is truly selfless in the way she reaches out to people. Never taking thought for herself, she puts her whole heart into serving others. Though she is the most loyal friend and is always there when someone needs her, she is often overlooked and unappreciated. Yet she continues to serve. There is nothing that can prevent her from doing what she does best. Her deep passion for Jesus and her desire to show His love to others are made obvious in her willingness to lay down her own wants and agenda in order that she may be His hands and feet to all those around her.

Oh, that I could be like her! Oh, that I too could represent my Master in the beautiful way that she does! My own selfishness is brought to light daily as I watch her esteem others better than herself.  I believe everyone can learn from the shining example she sets forth. Her impact upon my life has been great and I know there are many more who can say the same. She is truly a blessing to all who know her and I am so proud to have her for my sister.

I love you, Danielle!

Listen With Your Heart

Yes, I know I skipped last week. You try uploading a blog post without any internet access sometime! That is my excuse. Thank you for listening. 

Over the past several months, I have noticed something about myself. Sometimes, when the Gospel is presented, the powerful message brings me to tears. But other times, I feel absolutely nothing. I am actually almost bored. So I wondered, how can the Gospel seem so fresh and alive one day and so stale the next? I have struggled with "keeping it real" when I sing. Those nights when the Gospel is fresh in my heart, beautiful things happen. But there are times when (and I hate to admit this) I feel like I am just up there singing.

Now, before I continue, let me make it perfectly clear that the Gospel never changes. It is always gloriously beautiful and full of wonder and power. Remember that.

A few Sundays ago, the pastor was talking about the death and resurrection of Jesus and I instantly settled into that "I've heard all this before" attitude. As I sat there, I knew the message was not touching my heart the way it should have. I was ashamed. And then in an instant, everything changed. I was once again awed by the story and it's breathtaking beauty. Something was different inside of me. In that moment, I understood why the beloved story of Jesus Christ can seem so dull and uninteresting one moment and so very intriguing the next.

You know how familiarity can cause impassivity? Like when Daddy says "I love you". I know it is true, but I do not always react to those words emotionally.

Before I go on, I do not want you to think for a minute that my faith is based upon feelings. It is not. My point here is not that we need to feel something when we hear the Gospel, but, rather, we should not be so pathetically indifferent to it.

How do we keep from having an attitude of uninterestedness toward the things of God? Well, I already told you. It is the title of my post today (I'm such a spoiler). So often we just listen with our heads. We know the stories inside and out and some of us know them backwards too. We are so familiar with them that we are not truly listening anymore. That Sunday morning, I began to listen with my heart instead of my head and suddenly I could hear the precious words. I did not necessarily feel anything, but the sweet story had meaning again.

The Gospel did not change. I did.

His Gift

You know how you can read the Bible over and over again and every time learn something new? It seems like no matter how well I know a certain passage, there is always something new to discover. While studying Genesis 2 a few weeks ago, I saw something I had never really noticed or thought about before. And it has rocked my world.

For years I have had this idea that I am supposed to be waiting for my wonderful prince to come. I have always imagined him coming into my life and being just perfect for me. I have looked forward to meeting this man, the man who was made to be my husband. How self-centered is that? When I saw Genesis 2:22 and realized my error, I was disgusted with my own selfish attitude. This is what it says...

And the rib, which The LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.

I have had everything so backwards! This verse has showed me that I am not to wait for my man to come to me. Instead, I am to wait for God to bring me to him the same way He brought Eve to Adam. My future husband was not made for me. I was made for him.

That is not all I have learned from this passage though. What God showed me next brought me to tears. For you to understand why this is so significant, I need to tell you a little bit about myself...

The past several years, I have struggled with lies.
Lies like:
You're a failure.
You will never be beautiful inside.
Nobody wants you.
You are a horrible person.
You don't even deserve to live.
There are hundreds more just like those and they are all just as ugly. If anything ever goes wrong, I am the first person I blame. I have a very low opinion of myself and think that everything bad is my fault. I have called myself garbage, I have hated myself, I have believed every lie that has been thrown at me. Praise God, this year has been better and I am so thankful to have freedom! This does not mean I no longer struggle though. Sometimes the lies still come to haunt me. I still have to fight them. But when the darkness comes, the Lord will always show me something in His Word and let me know that I am beautiful to Him. Last month, He showed me Genesis 2:22. Read it again...

And the rib, which The LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Do you see that? The woman was God's gift to the man, created especially for him. I am not a worthless piece of trash. I am a beautiful treasure. I am a gift. Years ago, my parents chose a name for me and I believe it was no mistake. They named me Jessica, "gift". My very name is a reminder to me now of who I am. Of who God made me to be.

No longer do I picture a princess gazing out the castle window, waiting for a dashing prince on a white horse to come for her. I see a precious gift being formed and perfected by the hands of God Himself, to be presented at the perfect time to a very special man.

The man I was created for.

One of Those Days

Raise your hand if you've ever felt like a failure. My hand is up. Yeah, it's been one of those days. I will not bother with details because you don't want to hear about it and I don't want to talk about it. It does not help that I have nothing brilliant prepared for this Tuesday...again. I promise I will try not to make a habit out of this.

Today, I have felt lonely and even unwanted. I am pretty sure I made mountains out of molehills (to borrow the colloquialism), but us women can get emotional sometimes and I was short on chocolate. That is my story.

A couple of hours ago, I left my brother's apartment to go home. But instead of walking to the bus, I sat down on the curb and had me a good cry. It was wonderful! I have not allowed myself to cry for so long, I think I honestly just needed to. There was a perfect sky full of stars capturing my attention the way it always does. And the Creator of those stars gently reminded me that I am never alone.

As I sat there, I had a particular song playing in my head. So to all of you who have ever had one of those days, this is for you...

It's been one of those days
If anything could go wrong
It went wrong
I know I'm feeling sorry for me
There's a lot of self-pity going on
Tomorrow I will be okay
The dawn will bring a brand new day
I'm sure by then I'll be fine
Lord, today I really need a friend
I know that You understand
Would You hold me while I cry?

I try to be stong
But if anyone can fall apart
I fall apart
I run back to You again
And You heal my broken heart
You have truly been a friend
Reaching out to lend a hand
Lord, when You could have passed me by
I'm asking for Your strength today
Lift my spirit, Lord, I pray
Will You just hold me while I cry?

I take a lot of Your time
When I should be strong
I should be standing by now
But it's You I'm leaning on
You've always kept me safe from harm
Like a child in Your arms
You've cradled me through hardships faced in life
Lord, it's just one of those days
I've been fought in every way
Would You hold me while I cry?