How Well She Walks

She holds her head high as she moves across the room. There is an air of confidence in her short, feminine strides and a distinct elegance about her, making her stand out among her peers. She is very tastefully and modestly dressed, not calling unbefitting attention to her figure. It is obvious she knows her place and is sure of who she is. People notice and look on with admiration, for everything about her screams "lady". The very sweetness of her demeanor encourages other young women to follow in her footsteps and want to be the princess she is. How unusual it is to see such grace and poise in a female. In some ways, her conduct is intimidating, though not in a bad way. Most people are simply unsure of how to treat her because femininity is so rarely seen in a twenty-first century woman. Though there are some who would speak rudely to her, joking about her mannerisms and deportment, her dignified response silences them into an awed respect.

But her maidenly appearance and ladylike ways are only a reflection of what she has inside. Her physical walk accurately represents her walk with the Lord. She does not sway her hips or move in a manner that could in any small way be considered provocative; but, instead, adorns herself with the quiet grace of a virtuous woman, treating men as brothers with all purity. Daily, she strives to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Her radiant smiles reflect the joy He has placed in her heart. She is esteemed by many, but because of Who she serves, many more will despise her and scorn her character. Yet she is not by any means discouraged in her desire to portray a picture of womanhood that honors Christ. 

Being a daughter of Almighty God means more than just reading your Bible, attending church, and trying not to covet. He did not adopt you so you could continue to wallow in filth and live like the rest of the world. You have a new identity in Him and it does not include flirting or proving you can do anything a man can do. Quit disrepecting His name by your inapposite actions. He has called you to so much more and you need to represent Him with decorum and dignity. Hold your head high, not because you are better than others or deserve their praise, but because you are a child of God and you need never be ashamed of that. Remember who you are, dear sisters. Remember to Whom you belong. May your walk represent Him well.

Feel The Love

For all those who are interested, I skipped last week because my family is living in a van and trailer and we sang twice on Tuesday. I would have skipped this week too, but my excuse was not as good as that one. So. Onward...

Has anybody noticed Valentine's Day is this week? I hear it can be a lonely time for singles. My family has always celebrated together, so I have never really felt very lonely. Want to hear about our tradition? Good. 

Every February 14th (or 13th or 15th, depending on our concert schedule) our family dresses up and goes to a nice restaurant in pairs. Before Caleb was engaged, he and I were paired together. Then there was Josh and Danielle, Jared and Abby, and Mom and Daddy (of course). My parents have used this annual tradition to teach the boys chivalry. They do the flowers and candy thing (and being the great sisters we are, we get them some candy too), they open the doors for us, pull out our chairs at the table, order our food for us, and make sure our glasses stay full. All that good stuff. And the girls, in turn, make an extra effort to act like ladies. What about Zach and Christian, you ask? Well, before Caleb and Steffanie happened, Mom had Daddy and Zach and Christian. Which meant she got more chocolate than everybody else. She said she deserved it. Anyway, now Zach is my gentleman. This year we won't look quite as awkward when I take his arm because he is as tall as I am...which actually isn't very tall. (There, Daddy. I said it for you.) 

But I am not here to rub in the fact that I don't feel alone while you do. There are plenty of days when I feel the lonely pangs of singleness and I cry in a corner all by myself, but Valentine's Day isn't one of them. I am surrounded by the love of my family and I am so grateful for that. 

If you are anything like me, you have experienced miserable solitude in a room full of friends. You have watched everybody you know get engaged or married and you weep because you still have nobody. She shows you her ring or he pulls out a picture of his bride-to-be and behind your pasted on smile is an deep ache to have what they have. Let me help you change your perspective a bit with this excerpt from my journal...

He walked out the door, holding the hand of his bride. I watched from the window, tears pouring from my eyes, as the newlyweds made their way to the car. They were leaving me. They would forget about me. We would never be friends again as we once were. But then they walked by the window where I was standing and he caught my eye. A fresh stream of tears came as I felt the love in that look. And then he mouthed, "I love you."

I wrote this last July on a day when I was feeling particularly dejected. In the midst of my outpouring of emotion onto the pages, this memory came to mind, and I could not feel lonely anymore. The man is my brother, Caleb. 

Listen. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Savor their love. Enjoy every minute you have with them for, one day, you will have that one love you have been dreaming of and these special moments will be gone. I promise you, once you take your focus off of yourself and what you do not have, and begin to enjoy the love God has already given to you, loneliness will be nothing but a memory. 

So feel the love.

My Hope

Y'all, I am on vacation this week, so the post is gonna be a little short. Let it bless you. 

Sometimes, I keep things inside for so long, it all just builds until I get emotional and finally have to let it out. I took a nice long walk with Jesus last week so I could tell Him everything. I did not realize how much I missed doing that with Him; how much I needed to.

The past four months have been full of adventure, excitement, difficulty, confusion, heartache, and a variety of complex emotions. You seriously have no idea. The wonderful thing about it is, all of it has brought me closer to the Lord; and because of that, I would not trade one moment. 

Our conversation that day was mostly one-sided as I poured everything out, trying to put all the pieces together and make my sentences coherent. He understood. I told Him of my struggle with keeping my thoughts where they should be and holding back my wild imagination. He listened as I described my feelings and...my concern. For four, long months, I have hoped for something without reason. My heart has yearned for it. All this time, I have tried to focus every bit of my nervous energy on pursuing a closer relationship with my Lord- and it has worked. I long to know His will and I recognize that the only way I can discern it is to immerse myself in His Word and walk with Him. But there was something bothering me...

"Lord, what if the things I am hoping for never come to pass? What if I am hanging on to something and it's all wrong? I just don't want to place my hope in something that isn't going to happen."

And then my heart heard it. Words that sang in the deepest part of my being. He was there. After all my speaking was done, He simply said, "Hope in Me."

Women and Careers

Sunday night, some of my mom's family came to our concert and we had the pleasure of eating dinner with them afterwards. These are like those relatives that you hardly ever see and your parents have to explain how you are related to them because after half a dozen years, you've forgotten. Hopefully, I will be able to recognize Uncle Mike next time instead of walking right past him like he's just another one of those strange old men. In my defense, he did look kinda creepy.

At some point, Mom told me a little about Aunt Susan and her job. I didn't even know I had more than one Aunt Susan, but, hey, that makes it easier for me. If I can't remember an aunt, there's a good chance that if I call her Susan, I'll have it right. Anyway. Getting back on track... 

I have never liked the idea of a man and a woman with their own separate jobs, coming together in a marriage, continuing their careers, having one or two kids, and then sending those children off to school and daycare to have someone else care for and teach them. This is the "American dream". And it is wrong. I am not aiming to offend anyone by that, but if it did offend you, perhaps you need to look into the Bible and understand why this lifestyle is wrong. God, from the very beginning, intended for the man to work and be the provider for the family and head of the home. He created the woman to be a help meet for the man and a mother to their children.

The question I get most these days is, "Where are you going to college?" I hate that. For one thing, it assumes that I have to go to college. Why? So I can get a career and prove that women can do anything men can do? What happened to women being women? So the answer to the question is, "No". And this is what I get. "So what are you doing?" Excuse me? Do you have any idea how much work goes into preparing for marriage and motherhood? I guarantee you what I am doing is far more important and God-honoring than what most of the women in our culture are doing.

Before you get the wrong impression here, I am not saying that any woman who has a job is sinning. Sometimes, it is necessary for a woman to work. Sometimes, bad things happen and her family needs the extra income. And, sometimes, she has a love for something and can do it without neglecting her family. I actually used to entertain the idea of being a sign language interpreter at a hospital. I thought this would be a great thing to do in that tiny window between the wedding and the first child. The only reason I am not pursuing this is God has not opened those doors and led me that direction.

Back to Aunt Susan. Aunt Susan has a job as a teacher. This is something that she loves to do and that is perfectly alright. But Aunt Susan is also a mother and as long as she had small children in her home, she was right there with them. Her family is important to her and she made sure she was there to bring her children up properly and teach them to love the Lord. Now, her children are grown and most of them are married. Now, she has her job. She did things right.

Is it wrong for a woman to work outside of the home? Absolutely not. But if her job gets in the way of her primary purpose, she needs to do an about-face. Her husband and children should always be her priority- no exceptions. It is wrong for her to allow anything to take precedence over her family.

So, what are your priorities?

The Wardrobe

There are few things that anger me more than seeing girls wearing skimpy clothes around my brothers. I have good brothers. They try to look the opposite direction and avoid staring at all that skin on display, but that does not mean they are never tempted to. While I have not seen them give into the temptation, I know there are guys out there with weaker minds. Guys who do not take the same stand that my brothers do. On the other hand, I know there are many guys who truly desire to keep their minds pure. Joshua said something yesterday that I think we should all pay attention to.

"When a girl wears a bikini, I look at her for only about half a second. If she doesn't care about her body any more than that, she isn't worth my time."  

A girl who goes around wearing next to nothing needs to see herself as a person who has great worth. Worth that is not determined by how beautiful her body is, but by how God sees her. Listen up ladies, guys will notice you when you are showing off your body, but they will not respect you. The woman who clothes herself with purity will be admired. 

Many of you know that I have chosen to wear skirts and dress modestly. This is not just me honoring the standards of my parents; it is a decision I have made for myself. Not to say that a woman cannot be modest if she does not wear a skirt, I am simply uncomfortable with outlining parts of my body I mean for only my future husband to see. Also, wearing skirts and dresses highlights my femininity and encourages men to treat me as men should. And besides all that, they are really fun and attractive and come in a thousand different styles. (Yes, I am trying to sell you on this.)

Now, I am not saying that everybody needs to be like me. What I am saying is that we all just need to think. Why do we wear the things that we do? If it is to call attention to our bodies, then we need to clean out our wardrobes. If your outfit is distracting to guys, it would be wise to get rid of it; for you are pulling their minds to places they should not go, you are causing them to stumble, and you are not honoring Christ. That's what this is really about. Is Christ being glorified by the the things you wear? 

Think about that this week.

The Journey

The beginning of a new year always has a distinct feel to it. There is renewed energy and a determination to tackle that long list of resolutions. A burst of excitement because the new arouses a sense of wonder in us. But along with all of these things, there is a journey of the mind that takes us back over the previous twelve months of our lives to reflect on and contemplate each memory. I believe it is very important to take that journey.

Reading back over my journal last month, I was shocked to see how far the Lord has brought me. Sometimes, I get so caught up in day to day life and planning my future, my past is forgotten. It was so strange to look back and realize that I am not the same person I was a year ago. So drastic is the change, I hardly recognized my past self. I must say though, I like who I am so much better than who I was. Because the person I am now is more like Jesus.

I am so thankful for the work He has done in me. I live in freedom today because of His constant, unfaltering love. Freedom from depression. Freedom from my selfishness. Freedom to live with joy. I no longer think of myself as unwanted garbage, unworthy of anyone's love or attention. Jesus taught me that I am worthy because He made me worthy through His sacrifice. It took me twelve years to grasp that, but now I finally understand what grace did for me.

I feel as though life has just begun. Knowing who I am in Christ has opened up a whole new world to me. And so I begin 2014 with much excitement and a passionate desire to follow Jesus as I never have before. No fear. No hesitation. No reserve. I only want God to use me. Seeing what He has done in my past has given me hope for my future. My future with Him.

Farewell

Dear readers, thank you for coming here very week to see if I have posted anything (I know I keep you guessing sometimes). This has been a very interesting experience for me. It really is exciting to see how God has been using me through writing of all things! 

I was not going to post anything at all this week. Things have just been so busy around here. My parents are on an island in the Carribean right now celebrating their 25th anniversary (which, by the way, is today) and I have six of their children under my charge this week. No big deal. I have done this before. But with all the traveling and singing and packing and planning last week, blog writing was not on my to-do list. And next week, as you all know, is Christmas and I will be cooking and baking and hiding gifts and all that good stuff. The following week, we will be moving out of the bus- everything has to come out. Everything. So my point is, you will not be hearing from me again for quite some time. Don't miss me too much. I will be back next year. 

God bless you all!

Great Joy

This week, I want to encourage you to get into the Bible. I mean really get into it. One of the best things you could ever do is commit the Word of God to memory. Over the last month or so, I have concentrated on learning large portions of Scripture and I can tell you there is something sweet about being able to quote chapter after chapter for a solid half hour.

I have always hated the fact that when I am doing my hair and makeup, that is all I am doing. Now, I am able to quote different passages and keep them fresh in my mind while I get ready for the day. More and more, I find myself quoting verses when I am exercising or working in the kitchen or driving somewhere. What better way to keep my thoughts on the things of God than to be constantly speaking the words God authored?

One of the greatest joys of knowing Scripture I discovered a couple of nights ago. My little brothers love when I come and tell them a story before bed. So Sunday night, I crawled onto Christian's bunk and began telling stories of Jesus from the first chapter of Mark. Zach joined us and was completely amazed at my ability to remember all forty-five verses. I hope he was inspired to learn just as many, because I want him to have the same joy. And I want you to have that joy too.

I won't lie to you. It is a lot of work. And if you don't do it every day, you will forget. You may have a little difficulty finding time in your busy schedule, but I found that by staying up just a little later at night and reading other books less, I have a good amount of time for the Word. And while I am thinking about it, let me go ahead and say that we have things backwards. We should not be trying to fit God into our hectic lives. He should be our life. Everything else we do is just extra and if it doesn't fit into the schedule, so what? When it comes to the Lord, you ought never have the excuse, "I didn't have time".

So, evaluate your priorities and make those necessary changes. Realize what is truly important and strive for those things with every ounce of your determination. I promise you, it is worth it.

Steffanie

This week I want to tell you about a woman who has inspired me in many ways. A woman I am privileged to have as my "big sister".

Before Steffanie married my brother, Caleb, last year, she told a dear friend of ours that she wanted to start having children right away. This well meaning friend told her that she needed to wait and they should get to know each other better and have fun for a year or two first. Many people hold this opinion and I personally find it disgusting. How sick to think of children as a burden. How ridiculous to think they would rob you of your joy in marriage. Steffanie has had an earful of negative, degrading comments in regards to her desire for children. I have to say, I am very proud of her for ignoring them all and holding to her convictions. She and Caleb married last October and had twin boys in July. She continues to hear the rude, sarcastic remarks from people who either think they are being funny or just have absolutely no clue what a wonderful gift God has given to her. And she answers them all politely and with a smile. Wow. Oh, that I could have a sweet spirit like that.

Watching her care for her children in her new role as a mother has been so much fun. Her ability to care for her entire family all at once is nothing short of impressive. I have seen her hold both boys, drink from a cup, and rub her husband's back at the same time! You would have to see it to believe it. There are many things that she no longer has time for, like doing her hair or cooking fancy meals, but she takes care of what is most important. Caleb and the boys are her priority and that is how it should be.

But as busy as she is with her new family, she always has time for me. Those quiet times when she could be doing something for herself for once, she comes to me and offers encouragement and companionship- both of which I really need right now. She has a heart for people and I love to see it. This woman always seems to know what to say and when to say it or even when nothing needs to be said at all. What blesses me the most is that she doesn't just have compassion for me when I am hurting, she cries with me. How beautiful it is to see Jesus in her!

She is such a wonderful example of what a wife and mother should be. I believe it is because of her relationship with the Lord. When her family toured with us last week, she and Caleb asked if we could watch the boys so they could have Bible study together. Not a romantic date. They wanted time in the Word. Romance in marriage is important, but seeking the Lord together is paramount. If only more people understood that. I am so glad to see Steffanie and Caleb setting this example for so many young people. They are not afraid of censure. They simply obey God and He has blessed them with a happy home.

Steffanie is a great role model for any young lady. I don't know about you, but when I grow up, I want to be just like her.

The Duty of a Daughter

This week, God has taught me more about what my relationship with my father should look like. Daddy and I have always gotten along really well. I do not remember ever having an argument with him or being mad at him. Ever. I have loved him, respected him, admired him, and looked up to him for over two decades. However, I do not confide in him the way I should. I do not always seek his counsel and approval. I have not been his prayer warrior. I have not made serving him and helping him my priority. Though I live under his protection and authority and I support him in his ministry, I have not fully embraced my role as his daughter. I have not made an effort to submit my will to him. I have not fully given him my heart.

But I want to.

My parents raised me in such a way that all of these ideas are natural to me, but up until now, I had not made them my own, deliberate decisions. I know that my life's purpose does not begin at marriage. I am preparing diligently for marriage, but I have a duty to perform right now, while I am yet single. My calling is to be my father's helper. My purpose is to help him fulfill his calling.

Sounds like great practice for marriage, doesn't it? God designed the father/daughter relationship this way for a reason. A woman is not supposed to be independent; she is to be always dependent on a man. While she is single, this man is her father. And her father will one day transfer his authority over her to the man she will call husband. What a beautiful, natural transition!

So many women go through unnecessary struggle because they are living out their single years as independent individuals and then they marry and have to learn submission and respect. Submitting to a man is very difficult for a person who has never done it before. Years of ministry are wasted because women have not already learned how to be wives. They are obstacles to their husbands, hindering them and holding them back from all God has for them. This can be avoided simply by realizing that we were never meant to be self-reliant, self-sufficient females. In the very beginning, God created woman for man. She is his helper. It is her purpose.

This is not meant to be a drudgery. Contrary to what many people believe, living out God's design brings unimaginable joy. I am sure it breaks His heart to watch us ignore His plan and try to live out our own. If only people could see what they are missing! My prayer for each of you is that you will embrace His purpose for your life and encourage others to do the same. And may your joy in doing this be sweet. As mine is.

Choices

I have been getting some complaints because I did not post last week. My apologies. You see, last Tuesday, I was taking care of my nephews. Definitely my best excuse so far! Never fear, I shall now return to my "normal" schedule. Thank you for listening.

As singles, we tend to live a little selfishly. Even being the oldest sibling at home and caring for the little ones every day, the choices I make are still selfish ones. The way we use our free time, the way we spend our money, and the way we treat our bodies are all decisions that, for the most part, affect only us.

While money spending is not a problem for me, I do have selfish tendencies in other areas. I watch a lot of movies and spend an exorbitant amount of time exploring Pinterest. I also eat more cookies than are necessary (yes, cookies are necessary) and put too much butter on everything. I have my own agenda and often choose to do things my way without paying any attention to anyone else. I am a single woman and, although I still live under my father's roof where I am supposed to be, I tend to live a little independently. But I have heard for many years and have observed for myself that when independent single people enter marriage, life becomes about somebody other than themselves. Suddenly, every decision made has an effect on their spouses and children. And they live differently.

God has taught me much over the past two months, primarily on the subject of preparing for marriage. There have been some interesting lessons and one in particular I would like to share here. I propose to you the idea that the choices we make as singles already affect our future spouses and children. This concept has changed my life.  Here's how...

1) The way I use my free time.
There is nothing wrong with the things I used to do in my free time. I actually still do those things on occasion. But I realize that this time can be better spent and so I now use it to study and learn things that will benefit my future family. For example, I am currently studying herbal remedies so I will be properly equipped to care for the health of my family. I aim to be familiar with a wide variety of subjects so as to be able to teach my children well. There is so much information available to me and I feel it would be unwise to ignore it all. Knowledge is such a wonderful thing and my free time can be spent pursuing it with the intent of being useful to my family.

2) The way I spend my money.
 I have already said that this area is not a problem for me. I rarely buy anything for myself and when I do, I make sure I am getting the best deal possible. The only reason I go shopping at all is to be with friends and I hate making any shopping expedition by myself. But I think it would be a good practice to learn how to make money go further when buying groceries for a family. My mother has taught me a lot about this and I think I do a pretty good job of it, but there is always room for improvement.

3) The way I treat my body.
This area is the one that has changed me the most. A few years ago, I was very sick and unable to be active at all. Ever since then, I have not been in very good shape, physically. Sometimes, I would make an effort to exercise regularly, but it never became a habit (it really is a difficult thing to accomplish when you live on a bus). And as far as eating habits go, I pretty much just eat what I want. My parents raised a bunch of healthy eaters and we all love our veggies, but my problem is an insatiable sweet tooth. I recently came face to face with the fact that these kinds of choices could hurt my future children. My body is where they will spend the first months of their lives and I am now determined to create a safe and healthy environment for them. And not only that, but as a mommy I need to be in better shape to carry those kiddos around everywhere (I learned this while caring for my nephews last week). I find it is much easier to get out and exercise and even to say no to the extra cookies when I think of my future babies.

So...what new decisions can you make to prepare for your future family?

A Memorable Experience

Y'all, I got nothin' this week. Blame it on a busy weekend, but I have nothing profound or deeply spiritual for you today. After a little consideration, I have decided to tell you a story. A true story. This really actually for real happened to me...

My family and I went on a missions trip to Jamaica about two years ago with Price Harris Ministries. Our first evening there, the team gathered together and, after briefing us, our leader told us to pray that God would give each of us a memorable experience. Something we could tell others about for the rest of our lives. So I prayed and the very next day, God gave me that memorable experience.

It was a gorgeous sunny day and we went out on the streets of the city to tell people about Jesus. My family sang for a while to draw a crowd and then one of the preachers got up to speak. When he was finished, everyone split up to pass out tracts and talk to people one on one. I walked across the street with some of the ladies from our team and then it happened. All of the ladies were off talking to different people and a police officer approached me. 

"Is everything okay over here?" he asked.

I was all by myself and had no clue what this was about or if we were in trouble or something. So I simply said, "Yes, everything is fine."

"Where are you from?"

"We are from the United States," I answered.

His next question was wholly unexpected. "Are you single or married?"

I was startled and wondered why he would ask such a question. I figured I should probably just tell the truth so I said, "Single".

He didn't stop there. "How old are you?"

Oh, boy. This was starting to get awkward. "I am eighteen," I told him.

"That is legal age to be married."

"WHAT?!"

"Eighteen. Eighteen is legal age to be married." 

"Uh...o-kay." It was really hard to tell what he was thinking behind his sunglasses, but I wasn't liking where this conversation was headed.

"So...do you want to get married?"

Seriously? I laughed, nervously. "Yes. One day I would like to get married." 

"You want to marry me?" He was grinning now.

I laughed maybe a little too much at that. "No!" I told him.

"Why? Because I am black?"

Oh, great. Now he thinks I'm racist. I gave the best answer I could. "No...I just don't know you."

He leaned forward and lowered his voice, "Do you want to get to know me?"

Okay, time to change subject! I avoided the question altogether and asked instead, "Do you know Jesus?" 

I invited him to come to our concert and then took my leave. Before I turned to go, he touched my arm and said, "I like you." 

That, my friends, is the story of my first marriage proposal. Needless to say, I am still single. Next time I pray for a memorable experience, I may need to be a little more specific! 

I learned two things through this. First, never go anywhere without a man that you trust (like Daddy). Second, it's okay to say no. If he ain't the one, don't lead him on. Don't feel sorry for him and worry about hurting his feelings. Just say no and continue to guard your heart and keep it for one man. The man who will treasure it forever. 

One day, another man will propose to me and God will say, "This is the one I created you for." I will say "yes" for all the right reasons and then together we will share a lifetime of memorable experiences. 

And so with that in mind, I pray each of you will have a memorable experience as well.

Lessons Learned

Yes, I am perfectly aware that I skipped last week. If you will recall, I said I would "make a valiant attempt" to post every Tuesday. And I did make one such attempt last week. I failed. Thank you for listening.

For the past month, I have been very earnestly and diliberately preparing for marriage. Ever since I was thirteen years old, I have known that my single years were to be used for this preparation, but never have I been so diligent about it as I am now. A few weeks ago, I felt this sense of urgency to ready myself and become better equipped for the man to whom God will give me. I am now walking a path that tests my faith daily. Difficulties arise without warning, fear tries to grab me, doubt wants to get in, and temptation lies in wait around every bend, yet my trust in Jesus has not wavered. He has been doing many wonderful things in my life as a result and I can honestly say this is the greatest experience I have ever had.

So precious to me is my relationship with my Lord! It is truly sweeter than it has ever been before. He has been changing me and conforming me to his own image, He has answered my prayers, He has listened to me and comforted me, He has taught me His ways. He has done all of this and He continues to do these things. I see His hand on my life every day. Every moment. He has given me joy, humility, discernment, and a greater hunger for His Word. I love what He is teaching me and would like to share some of those things with all of you. 

I have learned to be thankful for my mother. I know that sounds silly, but moms are so underrated. How often have you taken yours for granted? God has helped me to realize just how important my relationship with my mom is and He has taught me to appreciate her. Honestly, I have no clue how I could have gotten through some of the hardships of the past weeks without her guidance and encouragement. My gratitude for the parents God gave me cannot possibly be expressed by mere words. I know my weaknesses. I know what kind of life I would be living without my godly upbringing. I could have been born to anyone, but of all the couples in the world, the Lord chose to give me to Todd and Michelle Allen. Wow. 

I have also learned to pray. Really pray. Here's another excerpt from my journal...

"I want to be a prayer warrior. There are battles to be fought and I want to fight them. I see needs every day. Countless people who need healing, encouragement, comfort, strength, hope, courage, mercy, salvation. Why am I not speaking to my Father daily on their behalf? I have never been very faithful in praying for people. Or praying at all. This is unacceptable. I wonder how many blessings I have missed by neglecting to pray. How many blessings have others missed?"

Think about that last question for a minute before you continue reading.

The final lesson I want to share with you is this: I have learned to wait. Waiting is probably the most difficult thing God asks us to do. It is so easy to get frustrated and try to write my story myself. But I know I can trust Him. I know that at the right time, at the right place, and in the right way, God will bring me to the right man. When I focus on serving the Lord with my whole heart, He becomes my love and it is so much easier to wait when I am holding His hand. He has this. I trust Him.

I hope these things have encouraged you today. My prayer is that God will use my life to bring Him honor and to be a blessing to others. He has great things in store for you, you know. A close walk with Him is the most important thing you can develop before marriage. Spend some time with Him and allow Him to teach you. Put all of your plans and goals off to the side for a little while and just sit in His presence. Learn to be thankful for His gifts. Learn to pray for His people. Learn to wait for His timing. If you seek Him with your whole heart, He will reveal Himself to you.

I know He will.

The Heart of a Servant

This week, I would like to tell you about an amazing young lady I am honored to know. She is sixteen years old, but she has the wisdom and maturity of one twice her age. She is elegant, graceful, and feminine in the way she acts, speaks, and dresses. Nothing says "lady" like her deportment does. She has a wonderful personality uninhibited by the opinions of others because what people think makes no difference to her. She is also a blonde through and through, which makes her a wonderful target for teasing and laughing at...I mean, with. She is beautiful, talented, a great student, a wonderful companion, and she loves life.

There are so many good things I can say about this girl, but the quality she possesses that inspires me the most is her servant's heart. When there is work to be done, she is the first to volunteer and the last to complain. She is constantly looking for ways to help and is truly selfless in the way she reaches out to people. Never taking thought for herself, she puts her whole heart into serving others. Though she is the most loyal friend and is always there when someone needs her, she is often overlooked and unappreciated. Yet she continues to serve. There is nothing that can prevent her from doing what she does best. Her deep passion for Jesus and her desire to show His love to others are made obvious in her willingness to lay down her own wants and agenda in order that she may be His hands and feet to all those around her.

Oh, that I could be like her! Oh, that I too could represent my Master in the beautiful way that she does! My own selfishness is brought to light daily as I watch her esteem others better than herself.  I believe everyone can learn from the shining example she sets forth. Her impact upon my life has been great and I know there are many more who can say the same. She is truly a blessing to all who know her and I am so proud to have her for my sister.

I love you, Danielle!

Listen With Your Heart

Yes, I know I skipped last week. You try uploading a blog post without any internet access sometime! That is my excuse. Thank you for listening. 

Over the past several months, I have noticed something about myself. Sometimes, when the Gospel is presented, the powerful message brings me to tears. But other times, I feel absolutely nothing. I am actually almost bored. So I wondered, how can the Gospel seem so fresh and alive one day and so stale the next? I have struggled with "keeping it real" when I sing. Those nights when the Gospel is fresh in my heart, beautiful things happen. But there are times when (and I hate to admit this) I feel like I am just up there singing.

Now, before I continue, let me make it perfectly clear that the Gospel never changes. It is always gloriously beautiful and full of wonder and power. Remember that.

A few Sundays ago, the pastor was talking about the death and resurrection of Jesus and I instantly settled into that "I've heard all this before" attitude. As I sat there, I knew the message was not touching my heart the way it should have. I was ashamed. And then in an instant, everything changed. I was once again awed by the story and it's breathtaking beauty. Something was different inside of me. In that moment, I understood why the beloved story of Jesus Christ can seem so dull and uninteresting one moment and so very intriguing the next.

You know how familiarity can cause impassivity? Like when Daddy says "I love you". I know it is true, but I do not always react to those words emotionally.

Before I go on, I do not want you to think for a minute that my faith is based upon feelings. It is not. My point here is not that we need to feel something when we hear the Gospel, but, rather, we should not be so pathetically indifferent to it.

How do we keep from having an attitude of uninterestedness toward the things of God? Well, I already told you. It is the title of my post today (I'm such a spoiler). So often we just listen with our heads. We know the stories inside and out and some of us know them backwards too. We are so familiar with them that we are not truly listening anymore. That Sunday morning, I began to listen with my heart instead of my head and suddenly I could hear the precious words. I did not necessarily feel anything, but the sweet story had meaning again.

The Gospel did not change. I did.

His Gift

You know how you can read the Bible over and over again and every time learn something new? It seems like no matter how well I know a certain passage, there is always something new to discover. While studying Genesis 2 a few weeks ago, I saw something I had never really noticed or thought about before. And it has rocked my world.

For years I have had this idea that I am supposed to be waiting for my wonderful prince to come. I have always imagined him coming into my life and being just perfect for me. I have looked forward to meeting this man, the man who was made to be my husband. How self-centered is that? When I saw Genesis 2:22 and realized my error, I was disgusted with my own selfish attitude. This is what it says...

And the rib, which The LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.

I have had everything so backwards! This verse has showed me that I am not to wait for my man to come to me. Instead, I am to wait for God to bring me to him the same way He brought Eve to Adam. My future husband was not made for me. I was made for him.

That is not all I have learned from this passage though. What God showed me next brought me to tears. For you to understand why this is so significant, I need to tell you a little bit about myself...

The past several years, I have struggled with lies.
Lies like:
You're a failure.
You will never be beautiful inside.
Nobody wants you.
You are a horrible person.
You don't even deserve to live.
There are hundreds more just like those and they are all just as ugly. If anything ever goes wrong, I am the first person I blame. I have a very low opinion of myself and think that everything bad is my fault. I have called myself garbage, I have hated myself, I have believed every lie that has been thrown at me. Praise God, this year has been better and I am so thankful to have freedom! This does not mean I no longer struggle though. Sometimes the lies still come to haunt me. I still have to fight them. But when the darkness comes, the Lord will always show me something in His Word and let me know that I am beautiful to Him. Last month, He showed me Genesis 2:22. Read it again...

And the rib, which The LORD God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Do you see that? The woman was God's gift to the man, created especially for him. I am not a worthless piece of trash. I am a beautiful treasure. I am a gift. Years ago, my parents chose a name for me and I believe it was no mistake. They named me Jessica, "gift". My very name is a reminder to me now of who I am. Of who God made me to be.

No longer do I picture a princess gazing out the castle window, waiting for a dashing prince on a white horse to come for her. I see a precious gift being formed and perfected by the hands of God Himself, to be presented at the perfect time to a very special man.

The man I was created for.

One of Those Days

Raise your hand if you've ever felt like a failure. My hand is up. Yeah, it's been one of those days. I will not bother with details because you don't want to hear about it and I don't want to talk about it. It does not help that I have nothing brilliant prepared for this Tuesday...again. I promise I will try not to make a habit out of this.

Today, I have felt lonely and even unwanted. I am pretty sure I made mountains out of molehills (to borrow the colloquialism), but us women can get emotional sometimes and I was short on chocolate. That is my story.

A couple of hours ago, I left my brother's apartment to go home. But instead of walking to the bus, I sat down on the curb and had me a good cry. It was wonderful! I have not allowed myself to cry for so long, I think I honestly just needed to. There was a perfect sky full of stars capturing my attention the way it always does. And the Creator of those stars gently reminded me that I am never alone.

As I sat there, I had a particular song playing in my head. So to all of you who have ever had one of those days, this is for you...

It's been one of those days
If anything could go wrong
It went wrong
I know I'm feeling sorry for me
There's a lot of self-pity going on
Tomorrow I will be okay
The dawn will bring a brand new day
I'm sure by then I'll be fine
Lord, today I really need a friend
I know that You understand
Would You hold me while I cry?

I try to be stong
But if anyone can fall apart
I fall apart
I run back to You again
And You heal my broken heart
You have truly been a friend
Reaching out to lend a hand
Lord, when You could have passed me by
I'm asking for Your strength today
Lift my spirit, Lord, I pray
Will You just hold me while I cry?

I take a lot of Your time
When I should be strong
I should be standing by now
But it's You I'm leaning on
You've always kept me safe from harm
Like a child in Your arms
You've cradled me through hardships faced in life
Lord, it's just one of those days
I've been fought in every way
Would You hold me while I cry?

Stepping Out

I did not have much time to pull my thoughts together this past week. Caring for my family on a tour to Pennsylvania while my mother stays in Michigan with my invalid brother (read that story here) is not conducive to writing. And so, this is not my usual write, edit seventy times, read, reread, edit again blog post. I actually did not know what to even write about until two sentences ago. This should be interesting...

Blogging really is not my "thing". My mother can attest to the fact that I have always hated any writing that I "had" to do. School assignments requiring an essay or short story were ridiculously drawn out, emotional experiences. There were always tears, crumpled papers, and the occasional broken pencil involved. Which begs the question, why start a blog where I am required to write something every week? I promise this was NOT my idea. I am scared of writing anything that other people will read. Journaling, fine. I can write in my journal all day long, but the blog is a different story.

Back in April of 2012, I was talking to a friend of mine and we somehow ended up on the subject of my beliefs about purity, modesty, courtship, marriage, and womanhood. He asked lots of questions, but he was not like most people I talk to who want to make me change my mind. He was genuinely interested in my opinions and apparently was impressed with what I had to say because he said, "You should speak at conferences about this stuff!" The idea seemed so absurd to me, I had to laugh. You see, even greater than my fear of writing is my fear of public speaking. Yeah. I know. Anyway, the next week, all I could think about was our conversation and what my friend had said. But speaking in front of a large group of people was NOT going to happen. Then it hit me. A blog! That idea was almost as crazy as the first though. Me? Blog? Obviously, this was not my idea at all. It was God's. He did not say anything to me verbally, mind you, but I could sense that this was His doing. I thought it over some and decided to go for it, although I was not particularly excited about the prospect. I immediately began reading several books on the subjects I would be writing about. I said I needed to be prepared. Which is good. One should be sufficiently prepared when undertaking a task such as this. But that was not why I did it. I read and studied for nearly a year before I realized that I was only putting off what I had been told to do.

Have you ever done something like that?

I tend to do things slowly and sometimes procrastinate, but avoiding something for a year was pathetic. Finally, I threw my comfort out the window and began writing. Now here I am, four months later, still not sure what I am doing and trying to figure out the internet (I am not today's typical young person). With the Lord's help, I will remain here until He tells me otherwise. And, you know, I am actually enjoying this!

So I suppose my point is that when the Lord puts it on your heart to do something, just step out and go for it. I wonder what blessings I might have missed by not starting this blog sooner. So what if the task you were told to accomplish is something you are not good at or comfortable with? Check out this verse:

And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This has become my theme verse this year. (And I often quote it over and over when I do a concert in poor voice.) I am a real perfectionist, but it seems like when I am weakest, He uses me to bless people in the most powerful way. And so I trust Him to do that with this blog.

Well then. I am no longer in a panic as I see I have quite a few words typed up for all of you to read. Whether you will appreciate them or not is entirely up to you.

How To Love

How is one to define love? Many say it is a feeling, intense and passionate affection, desire, euphoria, but I believe it is much more than that. Feelings are just so volatile. Erratic. Fickle. So then what is love? The Bible says God is love. I took some of the things I know about God and used that information to define love. This is what I ended up with: Love is steady, unchanging, and constant. Love is forever. Love is unconditional selflessness.

Now, with this in mind, let us look at how we can love our future husbands- right now. At this point, some of you are thinking, "But I don't even know the man yet". Well, guess what. You do not have to know your prince in order to love him. Sure you will love him when you know him, but by choosing to love him now, your love when you marry will be so much sweeter.

"Gabrielle, how am I supposed to love someone I have never met?" Good question. Here is the answer: You love him by the choices you make. You love him by considering how your choices will affect him. It is simple really. Just think before you make any decision where relationships with guys are concerned. Like this....an acquaintance of mine asked me out on a date. I said no. And this is why: while it probably would have been fun and we could have had a great time together, I knew I could never marry him. He was not "the one" and I did not need to go on a date with him in order to figure that out. See, I may not know who my future husband is, but I know enough about him to know who he is not. I loved my man in that situation by giving up my own pleasure for him. Unconditional selflessness. He is worth it to me and I want our marriage to be as special as I can possibly make it.

Every decision I make as a single woman will affect my future as a married woman and little things really do matter!

The last thing I want to bring into marriage is a broken, scarred, and soiled heart with memories of mistakes that will forever haunt me. My desire is to give my man a pure and spotless heart that has been reserved for him alone. Will you do the same? Choose to save your heart for one man. Act in such a way that will make him proud. Remember him when you make decisions that will affect both of you. Respect him, honor him, love him right now.

Love him today.

Truly Content

I'm back!! Yeah, I know. I have been really terrible about this whole blogging thing. From now on, I will be posting every Tuesday (or at least making a valiant attempt to).  So enjoy the new post and come back every week for more. Thanks for reading!

"Last night, I dreamt I was a mother. I held my precious little son in my arms and felt inexpressible joy as he called me 'mama' for the very first time. Waiting just became that much harder."

I wrote those words in my journal earlier this year. Needless to say, that was a tough week to get through. Sometimes, being single just seems so unfair. The difficulties never go away, but rather increase. Almost every one of my friends is engaged or married and now many of them are having children. I want so badly to join them in their happiness, but somehow, singleness makes me an outsider.

Will it ever be me?

It often seems as though I have nothing in common with anyone anymore and the only way out of my world of unhappiness is marriage- a blessing I do not see coming in the near future. Discontentment is very difficult to fight these days. It is my constant enemy.....well, it is supposed to be my enemy. Honestly, it is easier to just be friends, companions walking through life together. Problem is, discontentment is a lousy friend. It causes me to lose my joy, to forget my ministry, and to make those around me unhappy. Fighting it is challenging, but the consequences of surrender are detrimental.

How does one achieve victory over discontentment?

 I do not know if a person can ever have total triumph over it here in this world. The little fiend never gives up easily and it puts up a good fight. Sometimes, I think I have defeated it, but then it always comes back. There is an almost daily battle and I must constantly be on my guard against attack. But I do know how to win. First, let me give you a couple of definitions...

Discontentment: A longing for something better than the present situation.

Contentment: Happiness with one's situation in life.

When we are discontent, we desire something "better", and we think that once we obtain it, we shall be content. But it does not work that way. Discontentedness can only give birth to more of the same. In other words, you will always want something "better" than what you have. It will never be enough. It is true that you reap what you sow, and if seeds of discontent are being sown in your heart, that is what you will get at harvest time- and more of it too, because that little seed grows into something bigger and uglier. Many times, we fail to see that while we are waiting for what we think is best, God has already put us in the best place. And our disdain for the situation we are in has caused us to miss the Lord's blessings. I am as guilty as anyone. But how can we be happy with where we are? How can we be truly content?

Trust.

Just trust Him and know that His ways are higher than your own (Isaiah 55:9). He has you in a good place right now and the best thing for you to do is serve Him with your whole heart and leave no room for anything else to come in and poison you. Reach out to others, take no thought for yourself, give much, love strong, and live for a bigger purpose than your own agenda. See the good in your situation and use every opportunity you have been given to glorify God. I think you will soon find that your longings have left you and the Lord has given you not only happiness with where you are, but a lasting joy as well.

You and I are in this together.